What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 26.06.2025 05:34
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
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I was very sick at this time too.
I could never make a relationship work though!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
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Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I was scared of men, in general
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Non adipisci autem repellat fugiat.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
My life is so biszare .
What is better? Tik Tok or YouTube?
I write beautiful poetry .
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
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The only rule us 5 kids had .
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Do you think Putin wants peace with Ukraine, or does he want Ukraine?
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
All the time i was locked up.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Atheists who have read the Bible and think that contains immoral things, why do you assume that?
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Would this be the day?
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Debitis voluptas voluptatem ea sit.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Especially a lifetime of it.
She wouldn,t have been !
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Sed quia omnis delectus ad aliquam.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
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So whats the point in blame.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Totam aut neque cum voluptas velit eum tempore.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Ipsa qui quis id sit et sit eius.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
But it wasn’t much.
He resisted the act ,that day.
He knew the spot.
(And it was in our own minds.)
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I think the readers, may guess!
Why did i forgive my father ?
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I said to her
He was dying to do it , i knew.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Comes on , in middle age.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
They are buried together, in the same grave..
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Who then, do I blame.?
Im still living with it.
She loved him until the end.
I don,t even have a pension.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
We were not on the streets..
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
So, i spoilt her more .
Was to survive, this bastard.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
She was in good health!
I was seconnd youngest,
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
When she asked me how she looked .
Im dying but, im not bitter.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
My family never makes their pension either.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I was 9 years of age.
I waited trembling.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
She married twice! .
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
This is soul school!.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
And i lived it daily.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Put me off passion for life!!
Ive learnt so much.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
She found it foreign!.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I never cut or harmed myself..
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I couldn’t, believe it.
As i do to all so called friends.?
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I will be 64.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I have no regrets .
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
We all went to grammer schools
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
One cannot live in the past .
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
But, we were locked up after school.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
It was going to be , some day.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
What did i know ?
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
But ive been too sick for many years..
One cannot hold on to bitterness.